Derrek Lee, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Cubs flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity, Derrek.” God said. “This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.” Derrek felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3 story mansion with a silver and black sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flag pole with an enormous White Sox flag, and in every window a white Towel. Derrek looked at God and said, “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-star first baseman, won some gold gloves, and even though the Cubs never won a World Series, I went into the Hall of Fame.” God said, “So what’s your point Derrek?” “Well, why does Ozzie Guillen get a better house than me?” God chuckled, and said, “Derrek, that’s not Ozzie’s house, it’s mine.”

A Chicago family of Cubs fans heads out to shop for the youngest boy’s birthday.

While in the sports shop, the son picks up a Cardinals jersey and says to his older sister, “I’ve decide to become a Cardinals fan & I would like this St. Louis jersey for my birthday.” His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, “Go talk to Mother!”

Mom?”

“Yes, son?”

“I’ve decided I’m going to be a Cardinals fan and would like this jersey
for my birthday.” The mother, outraged at this, promptly whacks him and
says, “Go talk to your father!” Off he goes with the Cardinals jersey in
hand and finds his father.

“Dad?”

Yes, son?”

“I’m going to be a Cardinals fan and want this jersey for my birthday.”
The father then proceeds to whack his son in the back of his head and
says, “No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!”

Back in the car and heading home, the father turns to his son and says “I hope you’ve learned something today.”

The son says, “Yes, Dad, I have.”

“Good, son, what is it?”

The son replies, “I’ve only been a Cardinals fan for an hour, and I already hate you Cub bastards.”

This one goes out to all the Sox fans and Cubs fans.

The Cubs frickin suck.
I find this to be true.
It makes me sick to see these pricks
Wearing Cubbie Blue.
Wrigley Field’s a dump.
Wrigleyville is gay.
The Sox can take it to the Cubs
Anytime, any day.

The Cubs Suck!
The Cubs Really Suck!
The Cubs Really Really Suck!
The Cubs Suck!
The Cubs Really Suck!
The Cubs Really Really Suck!

I dedicate this poem to all the White Sox fans and Cubs fans everywhere! This one’s for you!

Cubs will win the world series in 2006!

• APRIL FOOLS!