So this years Chicago Cubs team is just sucking so bad and so often it’s impossible to keep up.  We want to recap this last weeks events in one post and show all you haters just how sucky things are getting for the Lovable Losers and their fans.

• Crazy, moronic, Cub sheep (errr fan) decides it would be cool to dump beer on Shane Victorino’s head. Unfortunately, Shane and the rest of the world didn’t think this was such a great idea.  Victorino filed charges on this dude.  This guy fled the stadium and later turned himself in.  Now, only at Wrigley would you see this type of crap.  The drunk fans that have no clue or care how the team is doing… They just want to stir something up.  Typical Cub fan.  We stayed away from this story quite a bit but Deadspin pounded it.  So here are some links about this pathetic excuse for a baseball fan.

Stay Classy
Beer-Tossing
Confronted
Inspiration

So who is going to make us a Cubs Suckcessory out of this idiots picture!  I can think of some creative sayings.

• Gregg implodes again and loses closer role. It was becoming almost comical when Kevin Gregg would enter the game in a Cubs 9th inning game.  This dude would give up walks, runs, homeruns, and most importantly, GAMES!  Every single time this guy would make it interesting.  Gregg is horrible and should have been out as the Cubs closer last month… Ok, well he never should have been the closer but that is besides the fact.  Finally, last week after Gregg gave up another one of his notorious walk-off homeruns – Lou and crew pulled the plug on Gregg as the closer and are now going with Marmol.  Yeah because he has been so much better.  Must suck to have a sucky bullpen!
• Carlos Zambrano has been lazy? I don’t have much to say but read this quote and tell me why the Cubs and Zambrano DON’T SUCK!

“My problem is I’ve been lazy,” a contrite Zambrano said. “There are things in life you don’t like to do, but you have to do them. I don’t like abs [abdominal muscle workouts], but I have to do them. I have to start doing them every day and be serious about it.”

Doctors are convinced stronger abdominal muscles will ease the pain on back discs, one of which is bulging and has caused Zambrano pain on and off for a few years.

“I’ve got to be honest with me and with you [media] guys and the fans. I’m 28 years old, I’m not 16 anymore,” Zambrano said. “I’m a big guy and I work hard every day, [but] one of the things I don’t like to do is my abs, my core work. If I do abs every day and keep doing my job and be serious about my abs, I’ll be OK.”

• Sweet Lou gets nailed for jaywalking. Ok so he didn’t get nailed but Lou Piniella got a “warning” for jaywalking in San Diego.  Hilarious!
• The Cubs are now down 6 games. It seems they can’t beat anyone and the Cardinals can beat everyone.  They just struggled with the Padres and now have to face the Dodgers for a series.  UH OH.  It’s do or die (ok, DIE) time for the Chubs this weekend.  They get down more than 6 games and we’ll all be shouting, “THEY GONE!”   And you lovable Cubs sheep will be crying about all the injuries and how we will now have to “wait til next year.”  It’s a broken record.  But hey, at least you have a song to make you feel better every now and then.  LOL!

Pile it on Cubs haters!

You know what a Cardinal can do that a Cub will never do?

Answer: Whistle through his pecker!! And win championships!

Hitler has learned a thing or two about the 2009 Chicago Cubs!  Classic video created by a loyal CSC reader.