Cubs Suck Club » Cubs Suck Facts

Pulling a Cub

webmaster — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:07:05 +0000

Pulling a Cub- v.; adj., pul ling a c u b-

1. To say something stupid or act in a foolish way, much like the Chicago Cub’s fanbase.
2. To keep believing even when your favorite sporting team sucks.
3. To lose an easy game or choke with a big lead.
4. To win an easy division and brag about when your counterparts are winning a much more difficult division.

Thanks to a gracious Cub hater for sending this one in.

Choke Cubs Choke – song lyrics

webmaster — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 04:56:18 +0000

Here are the new lyrics to the Cubs song:

Choke Cubs choke!
Choke Cubs choke!
Hey Chicago what do you say?
The Cubs are gonna lose today!

They have the lack of power and speed
to be the worst in the National League
The Cubs are gonna lose today
They will never go all the way

Choke Cubs choke!
Choke Cubs choke!
Hey Chicago what do you say?
The Cubs are gonna lose today!

The Cubs fans know their fate is sealed
Still you’ll find them at Wrigley Field
They’re tuning in to WGN
To watch the Scrubbies lose again

Choke Cubs choke!
Choke Cubs choke!
Hey Chicago what do you say?
The Cubs are gonna lose today!

Anyone want to put these to a video? Or sing them and send us a clip?

An open letter to Steve Bartman

webmaster — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 04:41:28 +0000

KFC has offered Steve Bartman, the man who ultimately prevented the Cubs from
entering the World Series in 2003, an invitation to STAY HOME! KFC will supply
Bartman with a Phillips Limited Edition 42″ 3-Pixel-Plus High-Definition LCD TV
and a KFC feast so that he watches ALL Cubs post season games from the comfort
of his own living room and gives the Cubs a chance to win the world series
after 99 years.

Below please find the letter that KFC sent to Bartman. Please let me know if
you need any other information.

October 5, 2007

An open letter to Steve Bartman:

As you know, the chatter about black cats, billy goats and curses has returned
to the Windy City.

But like you (knock on wood) we don’t believe in hexes. And we don’t play
the blame game. In fact, we’d rather lick fingers than point them.

But just to be safe, on behalf of die-hard Cub fans everywhere, we’d like to
make you an offer we hope is too good to refuse.

If you promise to watch your beloved team from the comfort of your own couch,
KFC will provide you with the “Ultimate Stay At Home Party Pack.” It’ll
include a feast of the Colonel’s World Famous Chicken plus all the side
items, and your very own Limited Edition 42″ 3-Pixel-Plus High-Definition LCD
TV.

Take us up on this offer and maybe the 07 playoffs will be remembered for a
feast of fowl at your home, rather than a foul ball at Wrigley Field.

After going 99 years without a World Series title, we think this KFC offer
could potentially be Cubdom’s secret recipe for success. We look forward to
hearing from you. Enjoy the playoffs and here’s hoping for some good luck in
‘07!

Sincerely,

Gregg Dedrick
President, KFC Corporation

Cub Fans are ‘Sheep’

webmaster — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 23:30:39 +0000

This is to all of you Cub Fans (a.k.a Sheep) who are wondering why you are called sheep. Thanks to cardsfan for the definition:

You are called sheep because you blindly follow that sorry assed team known as the Laughable Losers. You follow them season after season although invariably they lead you to the slaughterhouse season after season. Dumb, blind sheep who still think that the Losers are the greatest team on Earth even after nearly 100 years of mediocrity. You gather in flocks and proclaim yourselves the best fans in Baseball Nation BECAUSE you blindly follow that sorry assed team season after season. You’re called sheep because you act like stupid sheep.

You do stupid things like guarantee a Scubby WS title. You aren’t smart enough to say something like “The Scubs have improved themselves and could contend this year.” No, instead you say “The Losers will win the WS”. You say stupid things like “If Crior gets healthy, he’ll win 20 games and take the Losers to a WS title” instead of saying “Maybe this year Crior can stay healthy and win a few games.” You say “What do you do after the Scubs DO win the World Series?” instead of saying “IF the Scubs were to win the WS”. You know, dumb, stupid sheeplike things. You leave yourselves no out. You make ridiculous predictions and end up eating crow. You walk around all puffed up and proud even when the Losers are 15 games out and 20 under. You know, dumb stupid sheeplike stuff. You mouth and mouth and keep on mouthing just like the flock of sheep that you are.

1908 season – new book!

webmaster — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 23:25:25 +0000

Attention, Cubs fans’ new book on the 1908 season is just out. (I know because I wrote it). It’s called Crazy ’08′ How a cast of cranks, rogues, boneheads and magnates created the greatest year in baseball history (HarperCollins, $24.95; foreword by Robert Creamer). The Chicago Tribune reviewed it warmly on March 18, and Sports Illustrated liked it, too (the March Madness cover). Go to crazy08.com for more.

The book takes you from the end of the 1907 World Series, through to spring training, all the way to the Merkle game and then to the replay of the Merkle game. The Cubs, of course, are front and center, with the Giants in second place (just as they were that season) but the almost equally fabulous American League race also gets covered. Moreover, I try to give an idea of what America was like at the time, with short essays on things like Chicago politics, anarchism, the City Beautiful, race in baseball, and the financial panic of ’07.

The Cubs of this era were the 20th century’s first dynasty, winning four pennants and two World Series in five years. They were renowned for the fire of their play and the toughness of their spirit. These Cubs just may be the finest National League team of the 20th century and 1908 is their finest hour. At least, that’s my case, and I’m sticking to it.

Cait Murphy

Medical Journal

webmaster — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 09:49:55 +0000

I read in a prominent medical journal the other day that doctors in Chicago recommend that parents should not allow their children to win at board games. It turns out that beating your child mercilessly at Candy Land will prepare them for a life filled with losing as a Cubs fan.

Cubs Theme Song

webmaster — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 14:26:07 +0000

The Cubs theme song is “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by Green Day.

Cubs Player Nicknames

webmaster — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 08:28:51 +0000

We are going to start a list of all the ‘humorous’ nicknames that Cub Haters have given to the Cubs players, management, etc… If you have others, please add them to the comments or post them in the forum and we’ll add them to this list. This can be current or past players. Nicknames are use for all kind of professional players like for one of the best poker players Phil Helmuth. His nickname is “The Poker Brat” as in 1989 he was the youngest player to win the Main Event at the World Series of Poker at age 24, and for his temperamental personality.

Current Players/Management:
Aramis Ramirez: Error-miss
Jacque Jones: Joke Jones, Jerk Jones
Rich Hill: Rich over hill
Derrek Lee: Brenda/Tommy Lee
Michael Barrett: Grin and Barrett, Cheapshot Barrett
Todd Walker: Deadman Walker
Ryan Dempster: Ryan Dumpster
Carlos Zambrano: Cy Young Zambrano, Zamwhacko, Psycho Punk, Zambdumbo
Mark Prior: Mark Crior
Kerry Wood: Broken Wood
Glendon Rusch: Glendon Rusch-Out
Larry Rothchild: Larry Wrongchild
Lou Piniella: Lou Vanilla

Past Players/Management:
Corey Patterson: Pattycake
Jeromy Burnitz: Jeromy Burnout
Nomar Garciaparra: Nomore Gasinthetankia
Todd Hollandsworth: Todd Hollandsworthless
Jason Dubois: Jason Do-Boys
Andy MacPhail: Andy MacFail
Moises Alou: Moises Alouser
Dusty Baker: Crusty Baker
Greg Maddox: Greg Maalox, Gone Maddox
Neifi Perez: Nappy Perez
Juan Pierre: Stinkly la Pierre

Ex-Cubs Turned Good List

webmaster — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 08:14:45 +0000

We are going to start compiling a list of ex-Cub players who excelled after they left the Cubs. Feel free to add more to the comments section or in the forum and we’ll add to this list. We’d also like to hear your rankings of who the BEST Player the Cubs gave up on was. We’ll rank them how we see them here.

Lou Brock
Greg Maddux - Sure he is back now for a couple years, but he had several Cy Young type years after he left the Cubs for Atlanta.
Dennis Eckersley
Lee Smith
Rafael Palmeiro – Hit 25 homeruns in 3 years with the Cubs. Left and continued to hit 544 over the next 17 seasons in another uniform.
Joe Carter – Started with the Cubs organization. Hit 396 career homeruns after he left.
Bruce Sutter
Luis Gonzalez
Corey Patterson
Gary Matthews Jr.
Dontrelle Willis
Tom Gordon
Mark Grace – Wasn’t necessarily better after he left the Cubs, but he did get that Ring when he left! What else do you want?
Nomar Garciaparra
John Garland

Chicago Cubs Fan Club

webmaster — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 08:09:02 +0000

CHICAGO CUBS FAN CLUB
(APPLICATION FORM)

YOU ARE NOW JOINIG THE CLUB OF ONE OF THE OLDEST OF BASEBALL TEAMS PLAYING TODAY. YOU MUST CHECK BELOW OF WHAT MAKES YOU A GOOD CUB FAN.

___ GO TO WRIGLEY AND THROW BALLS BACK THAT ARE NOT HIT BY CUB PLAYERS
(5 PTS)
___ DRINK AT LEAST 5 BEERS BEFORE THE BOTTOM 1ST (CUBS ARE USUALLY LOOSING BY THEN)
(25 POINTS)(GETTING YOUR CHILDREN DRUNK TOO) (10 PTS. PER EA. CHILD)
__ GET SEASON TICKETS FOR NEXT YEAR.
(100 POINTS)
___ SING TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME DURING 7TH INNING
(20 POINTS) ( DON’T HAVE TO BE AT WRGLEY FILED)
____A LOYAL CUB FAN(EVEN DURING LOSING SEASONS)
(20 POINTS PER YEAR AS A CUB FAN)
___ I HAVE CHILDREN AND THAT ARE CUB FANS
(5 POINTS PER CHILD)
___ WEAR STUPID STUFF WITH CUB’S EMBELMS ON THEM TO GAME (DOESN’T NOT INCLUDE CUB HATS OR JERSEY, THEY ARE
ALREADY STUPID LOOKING)
(10 PTS. EA. ITEM)
___ BRING FAT WOMAN TO GAME WEARING ABOVE ITEMS
( 50 POINTS PER LADY, +100PTS IF THE WOMAN IS 200 PD. OR LARGER)

THE CHECK WHAT ITEMS APPLY TO YOU, YOUR APPLICATION WILL BE CHECKED BY ARE EXPERT CUBS FAN CLUB STAFF. GOOD LUCK!!!

PRINT NAME_______________________________

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