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The only good use for a Cubs Hat

Cubs Suck Jokes — By webmaster on Friday, April 18, 2008

This picture nails it on the head.  There are not many good uses for a Cub hat but this is one!  We should mass produce these or something!



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Wood and Prior statues to be built

Cubs Suck Jokes, Kerry Wood, Mark Prior — By webmaster on Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Did you hear that Wood and Prior will be getting statues of them built outside Wrigley Field?

The statue will be made of glass called, “the glass doll twins”.



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Cubs opening day giveaway ideas

Cubs Suck Jokes — By webmaster on Friday, March 28, 2008

CUBS
TO ALL FRONT OFFICE PERSONNEL:

It has come to my attention that in St. Louis, on opening day, all fans will receive a replica world series ring as a promotional giveaway.  Ideas like this are what make great sports towns.  Please lets brainstorm and come up with some ideas as to what we can give away to our dedicated fans.  I have enclosed my own list and hope for some professional feedback as well as your ideas too.  Thank you, John J. Wrigley, Esq.

10. Replica of the 10% off all Wrigley products coupon that the players received for winning the 1908 world series.
9.  Brandt Brown Bobblehead
8.  A day with Ernie Broglio
7.  Two days with Harry Carry
6.  A map to the south side to visit a real life world series trophy at Comiskey.
5.  Beta (or Laserdisc) of The Blues Brothers with a lifesize cardboard cutout of Jim Belushi.
4.  T-shirt with our new 2008  Motto ‘Wild Card Fever’
3.  2 tickets to the best game in town  OPRAH!
2.  One year supply of professional grade CORK
1.  Amtrak tickets to see the Cardinals play in a stadium built for this century

Sincerely,
John J. Wrigley, Esq



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Chicago Cubs Application for Employment

Cubs Suck Jokes — By webmaster on Wednesday, March 26, 2008

CHICAGO CUBS APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

NAME_____________ (IF BRANDT BROWN PLEASE LEAVE)

1/EXPECTED INCOME

  • A) LEAGUE MINIMUM
  • B) AT LEAST MORE THAN RON SANTO
  • C) YEAR LONG SUPPLY OF OLD-STYLE

2/POSITION EXPECTED

  • A)INFIELD
  • B)STARTING/DISABLED LIST PITCHER
  • C)ON MY KNEES IN FRONT OF PUJOLS

3/DATE I CAN START

  • A)IMMEDIATELY
  • B)AFTER MY KHOURY LEAGUE IS OVER
  • C)WHEN IM DONE ADMIRING PUJOLS

4/HOW I WAS REFERRED

  • A)TRIBUNE AD
  • B)LOU BROCK
  • C)MY LOCAL POSTAL CARRIER

5/MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT

  • A) DISABLED LIST LESS THAN 4X
  • B) ONCE MET ALBERT PUJOLS
  • C) NEVER PLAYED FOR CUBS

6/I EXPECT A WORLD SERIES RING

  • A) THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION
  • B) WHAT IS “WORLD SERIES”?
  • C) WHEN TRADED TO ST. LOUIS

SIGNATURE__________________ (OR JUST MAKE AN X)



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Cubs should move to Philippines

Cubs Suck Jokes — By webmaster on Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Cubs should move to the Philippines and change their name to the Manila Folders!



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